Don't Cry Over Spilt Uranium

Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Iran 'covered up nuclear spill'

Army Fashion

US Marines are strutting the catwalk at a militaristic fashion show in Milan, Italy. Their bizarre and exotic outfits are a clear illustration of what would happen if gays were allowed in the military:

(This one I like to call: "Richard Simmons Goes to War")

I wonder what the reaction will be back at the barracks...

Palestinian Child Abuse

Brave resistance shoots dead 3 year-old boy in kindergarten!


Stroke of UnLuck

If ever you're down on the weather and feeling sorry for yourself, just remember that this guy had the hiccups for two years...

Op cures two-year bout of hiccups

Surgeons have succeeded in curing a man who had non-stop hiccups for two years.

The hiccup attack started after Shane Shafer, 50, from Texas, had a stroke.

He is believed to have become the first person in the world to undergo surgery to fit a device to control stimulation of a major nerve.

When the implant was activated following the surgery at Louisiana State University, Mr Shafer's hiccups stopped, and have not as yet returned.

No offense, but didn't this guy know about the upside-down glass of water?

Yeah, Herman Muster!

Kerry related to movie legend?

Beer Bomb

Monday, June 28, 2004
The FBI is urging citizens to be on the look-out for suspicious beer coolers, which authorities warn could be rigged with explosives.

Geez, you think we're getting a tad paranoid?

US warns of booby-trapped beer coolers

[...] the FBI has introduced the specter of a new terrorism threat: booby-trapped beer coolers. A lightly classified bulletin sent to 18,000 state and local agencies last week advised local authorities to look out for plastic-foam containers, inner tubes and other waterborne flotsam commonly seen around marinas that could be rigged to blow up on contact. Also, the bulletin warned, terrorists might attach bombs to buoys.

FBI and Department of Homeland Security officials say no such devices have actually been discovered, nor is there any current intelligence that terrorists are hatching plots involving floating bombs. But some officials believe al-Qaeda may be focusing on harbors and shipping channels in an effort to replicate the success of the October 2000 attack on the U.S.S. Cole in the port of Aden [...]

See also:
'Bin Laden' beer banned in Romania


Let Them Eat Pine Needles!

Sunday, June 27, 2004
(A roundup of delicacies from the Communist kitchen)

The North Korean "News" Agency is promoting the nutritional benefits of eating pine needles -- which I supppose are an improvement over the tree bark and boiled grass that many starving North Koreans have resorted to for food.

Efficacious Pine Needle Foodstuff

Pyongyang, June 15 (KCNA) -- Pine needle has been used as material of health foodstuffs from ancient times in Korea. According to "Hyangyakjipsongbang" (a medical encyclopedia) published in the 15th century in Korea, pine needle prevents aging, invigorates spirits and turns grey hair to black.

The Korean people have used pine needles in steaming rice-cake and curing various diseases.

In related Commie culinary news, Chinese authorities have launched an investigation into reports that mounds of human hair were used in the production of 'counterfeit' soy sauce.

In this case, of course, the hair wasn't just on the food; it was literally in it.

Human hair used in fake soy sauce

It could contain anything from substandard soya bean extract to human hair, so the message to consumers is clear - beware of counterfeit soy sauce.

According to the Hong Kong Customs and Excise Department, which yesterday seized 223 bottles of counterfeit soy sauce and Chinese sweetened vinegar, there are likely to be hundreds, if not thousands of bottles of fake sauce on the market.

The ingredients of the seized products are as yet unknown but a mainland expose in January this year revealed that one plant in Hubei province had been illegally producing a base for soy sauce made out of human hair, which, like soya beans, is rich in protein.

See also:
Pancakes for Pinkos
Kremlin Fried Chicken

Hang-ups With Cell Phones

Bad news for male phone addicts; it turns out that cellphone in your pocket may be harmful to another very important type of cell - your sperm cell. Indeed, a new study shows that radiation from mobile phones may significantly diminish a man's fertility.

Mobile phones cut sperm count by up to 30%

MEN who regularly carry a mobile phone could have their sperm count reduced by as much as 30 per cent.

Those who place their phone near their groin, on a belt or in a pocket, are at greatest risk, new research has revealed.

The findings, to be presented at an international conference this week, are the first to suggest male fertility could be affected by the radiation emitted by mobile phones, also long suspected of causing cancer.

The study by Hungarian researchers found the sperm that did survive exposure to mobile phone radiation showed abnormal movements, further reducing fertility.

But Australian experts advised men not to panic yet.

While cell phones may be reducing sperm counts, they're also helping men get away with infidelity, so I suppose they're a mix blessing...

Separated at Birth

A few days ago, vegetating on the couch and drifting through the wasteland of daytime TV, I somehow ended up watching Go Home, Munsters, an ostensible comedy film based on the throroughly unhilarious adventures of a family of freaks, who are on their way to England to claim a generous inheritance from a rich dead uncle - or some crap like that.

Although the film is utterly devoid of even an ounce of humor, I did notice one striking fact about the father of the Munsters, Herman: something so obvious and exciting that I was sure I could not have been the only person to spot it. So I went on the internet and I discovered that, sure enough, other people had noticed, as I had, that the star of the Munsters bears an uncanny and unsettling resemblance to a certain Democratic presidential candidate. Indeed, there's no doubt about it; Herman Munster is John Kerry's long-lost conjoined twin.

Bush Exposed

Remember when a paparazzi camera caught soccer star David Beckham touching his genitals in his underpants? Well, it's happened to Bush, too.

Yesterday, a spying camera crew spotted the President in a window at his temporary Irish castle estate; he was in the middle of changing.

Bush filmed in underwear

NEWMARKET-ON-FERGUS, Ireland - In his visit to Ireland, President Bush stayed in a 16th century Renaissance castle on a 375-acre secluded estate. But it wasn't secluded enough.

Bush was spotted by television cameras as he was standing in a T-shirt at his window at Dromoland Castle. He was visible from the waist up, apparently as he was changing clothes.

An embarrassed Irish government quickly tried to prevent the release of the images.

A notice to the news media said, "The host broadcaster inadvertently transmitted pictures of President Bush at the window of Dromoland Castle. These pictures are the property of the Irish presidency and must not be used for transmission by any service."

And if the photos of President Bush strutting his stuff in a bulging flight suit are anything to go by, well then the half-naked Dubya is quite a sight to see.

(One of Karl Rove's tricks I bet.)

(Easy on the stuffing.)

Back to the Past

Georgia (the country, not the state) is moving back in time - or at least it's moving time zones.

Times are a' changing in Georgia

Georgia moved closer to Western Europe on Sunday - not physically but in terms of time.

The former Soviet republic has changed its time zone back to that of Moscow.

As a result it is now just four hours ahead of Greenwich Mean Time, rather than five hours ahead.

The switch was decreed by the pro-Western president of Georgia, Mikhail Saakashvili, who said the change was partly prompted by the process of integration into Europe.

In the 1990s, Georgia switched to five rather than four hours ahead of GMT in an effort to combat the effects of a national energy crisis.

It's a Frog!

"Honey, tell me I'm the only one!"

Iranian woman 'gives birth to frog'

An Iranian newspaper has reported the controversial story of a woman who claims to have given birth to a frog.
The Iranian daily Etemaad says the creature is believed to have grown from larva to an adult frog inside her body.

While it is unclear how this could have happened, the paper carries quotes from medical experts who say there are human characteristics to the animal.

It has been speculated that the woman, who has not been named, unknowingly picked up the larva while she was swimming in a dirty pool.

Is it too gross to ask about breast-feeding?

Not Just a Song

Saturday, June 26, 2004
U.S. Commander: Respect Works Best in Iraq

Good News Watch

Friday, June 25, 2004
Iraqis overwhelmingly support their new government; al-Sadr is all-over; talk radio is arriving in Baghdad; sales of Viagra have soared among Iraqis; and a country that less than two years ago was languishing under international sanctions, now boasts a new stock exchange.

Overall, it appears we're winning.

Human Cell

Human beings could soon activate cell phones

'Here Comes the Judge'

Thursday, June 24, 2004
Beneath the robes...

Oklahoma judge caught "pumping it up" on bench

JUNE 24--While seated on the bench, an Oklahoma judge used a male enhancement pump, shaved and oiled his nether region, and pleasured himself, state officials charged yesterday in a petition to remove the jurist.

[...] Visitors to Thompson's Creek County courtroom reported hearing a "swooshing" sound coming from the bench, a noise the court reporter said "sounded like a blood pressure cuff being pumped up." Thompson, the complaint charges, even pumped himself up during an August 2003 murder trial.

Vice President

Cheney utters "F-word" in Senate

Peace for Oil

Monday, June 21, 2004
Is it a mere coincidence that the nations most heavily invested in Iraq's oil industry were also the most strident opponents of regime change?

I think not.

Cry Me a Virus

Deadly SARS virus found in tears

Mock and Saw (II)

Saturday, June 19, 2004
Let the picture speak for itself:

Panda Porn

Thursday, June 17, 2004
One of the world's most endangered species is getting a procreational, er, leg up with the help of pornography. In China, zoologists have are encouraging abstinent, libido-lacking pandas to get their freak on by showing them instructional videos -- ie, hard-core porn flicks.

Sex films help panda get pregnant

A Chinese project to screen videos of pandas mating to captive animals seems to be bearing fruit, with news that a four-year-old panda is pregnant.
Hua Mei, who was born in the US but moved to China in February, was shown the videos as preparation for a series of "blind dates", the China Daily said.

The female was shown the videos because experts feared she had little knowledge of mating after living in captivity.

Pandas rarely breed in captivity and are endangered in the wild.

Move Over, Bush

Wednesday, June 16, 2004
101 year-old man makes parachute jump

Celebrity Politics

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Good News Watch

Zarqawi to bin Laden: America's winning.

Letter to bin Laden: Iraq War in Trouble

CAIRO, EGYPT (AP) -- A leader of militants in Iraq has purportedly written to Osama bin Laden saying his fighters are being squeezed by U.S.-led coalition troops, according to a statement posted Monday on Islamic Web sites.

[...] Titled "The text of al-Zarqawi's message to Osama bin Laden about holy war in Iraq," the statement appeared on Web sites that have recently carried claims of responsibility for attacks in Saudi Arabia and Iraq.

"The space of movement is starting to get smaller," it said. "The grip is starting to be tightened on the holy warriors' necks and, with the spread of soldiers and police, the future is becoming frightening."

The statement says the militant movement in Iraq is racing against time to form battalions that can take control of the country "four months before the formation of the promised Iraqi government, hoping to spoil their plan." It appears to refer to the government that would take office after the elections scheduled for January 2005.

It also says insurgents are planning to intensify attacks on Iraqi soldiers and police, seen as collaborators with the U.S.-led coalition. Calling Iraqi forces "the occupier's eye, ear and hand," the statement says: "We are planning on targeting them heavily in the coming stage before they are fully in control."

U.S. authorities believe al-Zarqawi runs his own terrorist operation but is an ally of bin Laden, whose al-Qaida network orchestrated the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks.

[...] If the militants fail to take over Iraq, "we will have to leave for another land to uphold the (Islamic) banner, or until God chooses us as martyrs," the statement says.

[...] The statement puts the Iraqi militants' enemies into four categories: the Americans, the Kurds, Iraqi police and soldiers; and the Shiites. Of the Shiites, it says: "If we succeed in dragging them into sectarian war, we could wake up the Sunnis."

[Read the rest...]

Moore is Less

Monday, June 14, 2004
Michael Moore showed up at the Cannes Film Festival with a new shine and self-confidence. Could he have lost weight?


Sunday, June 13, 2004
Man survives six nails driven into head

Chicken Jokes

Courtesy JuanCole.com:

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road

Coalition Provisional Authority:
The fact that the Iraqi chicken crossed the road affirmatively demonstrates that decision-making authority has been transferred to the chicken well in advance of the scheduled June 30th transition of power. From now on the chicken is responsible for its own decisions.

We were asked to help the chicken cross the road. Given the inherent risk of road crossing and the rarity of chickens, this operation will only cost the US government $326,004.

Muqtada al-Sadr:
The chicken was a tool of the evil Coalition and will be killed.

US Army Military Police:
We were directed to prepare the chicken to cross the road. As part of these preparations, individual soldiers ran over the chicken repeatedly and then plucked the chicken. We deeply regret the occurrence of any chicken rights violations.

The chicken crossed the road, and will continue to cross the road, to show its independence and to transport the weapons it needs to defend itself. However, in future, to avoid problems, the chicken will be called a duck, and will wear a plastic bill.

1st Cav:
The chicken was not authorized to cross the road without displaying two forms of picture identification. Thus, the chicken was appropriately
detained and searched in accordance with current SOP's. We apologize for any embarrassment to the chicken. As a result of this unfortunate incident, the command has instituted a gender sensitivity training program and all future chicken searches will be conducted by female soldiers.

Al Jazeera:
The chicken was forced to cross the road multiple times at gunpoint by a large group of occupation soldiers, according to eye-witnesses. The chicken was then fired upon intentionally, in yet another example of the abuse of innocent Iraqi chickens.

We cannot confirm any involvement in the chicken-road-crossing incident.

Chicken he cross street because bad she tangle regulation. Future chicken table against my request.

U.S. Marine Corps:
The chicken is dead

Chicken Jokes
Chicken Jokes - Hundreds of Them!

Kerry (In)Action Figure

God Save the Homer

Is Britain the bastion of sophistication and class that the stereotypes would have? Actually, the British are crass, brutish, and alarmingly ignorant of history - we must've got it from them.

Exhibit A:
D'oh! Homer's catchphrase tops British poll

LONDON (Reuters) - Homer Simpson's emphatic exclamation "Doh!" has topped a British poll of favorite TV comedy catchphrases, easily beating an array of home-grown classics.

The bumbling hero of American animated TV series "The Simpsons" -- who often accompanies his trademark saying with a slap to the forehead -- topped Nuts Magazine's poll with 34 percent of the vote.

"Doh" has even found a home in the Oxford English Dictionary, which defines it as:

"Expressing frustration at the realization that things have turned out badly or not as planned or that one has just said or done something foolish. Also implying that another person has said or done something foolish."

Exhibit B:
England soccer fans rampage in London after defeat

LONDON, June 14 (Reuters) - About 400 frustrated football fans rampaged in south London, throwing things at police and injuring two officers after England lost to France in their first match at the Euro 2004 championship in Portugal on Sunday.

Police said on Monday serious trouble erupted in Croydon near London shortly after the final whistle, while there were other smaller disturbances across the capital as stunned fans, whose team had been ahead til the last moments, vented their frustration on police.

[...] Police said 14 people were arrested following the hour-long disturbance there, which saw police vehicles and a tram damaged, and two officers needing hospital treatment for minor injuries.

The trouble broke out after France's Zinedine Zidane struck twice in injury time to take title holders France to a 2-1 victory.

Exhibit C:
British kids see D-day as New Zealand invasion

It is 1899 and Denzel Washington, the American president, orders Anne Frank and her troops to storm the beaches of Nazi-occupied New Zealand.

This may not be how you remember D-Day but for a worrying number of Britain's children this is the confused scenario they associate with the events of June 6, 1944.

A survey of 1,309 pupils aged between 10 and 14 and from 24 different schools found alarming levels of ignorance about the invasion of Normandy 60 years ago.

Only 28 per cent of primary and secondary pupils who sat the quiz last week were able to say that D-Day, involving the largest invasion force ever mounted, was the start of the Allied liberation of occupied western Europe.

[...] One 10-year-old in a Northamptonshire school thought it was the day the "Americans came to rescue the English". Another thought D-Day involved "the invasion of Portsmouth". Various dates for the assault were 1066, 1776, 1899 and 1948.

Children also had great difficulty in naming Britain's war-time prime minister. Less than half of the overall sample and only 39 per cent of primary school children correctly identified him as Winston Churchill; a significant number opted for Margaret Thatcher or Tony Blair.

Seventeen per cent of the sample and only 38 per cent of secondary school children identified Franklin D Roosevelt as the then President of the United States. Other candidates offered by both age groups were Denzel Washington (the Oscar-winning actor), George Washington, John F Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln and George W Bush. Some said simply: "George Bush's dad."

[...] Only one in three could identify the broad location of D-Day, with a number saying that it happened in New Zealand, Skegness or Germany.

Thirteen per cent could name two of the beaches involved, and only 10 per cent of the sample knew that Dwight D Eisenhower was the Supreme Allied Commander. Others thought that the invasion was led by Anne Frank, Private Ryan (the eponymous hero of the Steven Spielberg D-Day epic), or Field Marshal Bernard Montgomery, Eisenhower's deputy.

[...] There were some exceptions to the general ignorance. One teacher at Great Addington Church of England Primary school in Northamptonshire was amazed to find that one of his pupils had scored 100 per cent in the test.

He said: "I asked him how he knew material which we had not covered in school. He told me he had picked it up from a D-Day game he played on his computer."

Exhibit D:
Hitler wasn't real, say 1 in 10 Britons

British people are ignorant of some of the most important events and people in this country's history, a new survey has revealed.

As well as an inability to recall the dates of military victories and the personalities involved, there is also huge confusion about which characters and battles are fact and fiction.

One in 10 of the 2,000 adults questioned in the survey commissioned by Blenheim Palace thought that Adolf Hitler was not a real person, and half were convinced that King Arthur existed.

[...] One in five believed that Harold Wilson was prime minister during the Second World War. [...] One in 20 thought that Conan the Barbarian, a character played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, was a genuine person. Some also believed that Lord Edmund Blackadder and Xena Warrior Princess, characters from television series, were real.

Children are similarly ignorant of British history. Thirty per cent of 11 to 18-year-olds in a recent survey thought that Oliver Cromwell fought at the Battle of Hastings. A similar proportion did not know in which century the First World War took place.

I rest my case.

Palestinian Masochists

One of the Palestinians' most prominent and legitimate grievances against the Israeli occupation is the wanton destruction of Arab homes in the Gaza Strip.

After all, perhaps the most stark symbol of Israeli brutality is the veiled Palestinian woman, face buried in hands, weeping over the rubble of her demolished home.

Alas, despite all their crying, it seems the Palestinians are quite capable of inflicting this trauma on themselves. Like tricky insurance fraudsters - or derranged masochists - some Palestinians are trying to scam the Israeli government by destroying their own homes and then claiming compensation.

Gaza Arabs destroying their own homes

(IsraelNN.com) Two weeks after the announcement by the IDF Chief of Staff that Israel will consider compensation claims by Rafiach Arabs arising from the military's operations in the city, some residents are damaging their own homes. The fraudulent claimants are hoping to take advantage of the Israeli generosity by claiming the damage was a result of IDF activities.

During Operation Rainbow in Rafiach, IDF troops had the mission of searching out and destroying tunnels used for smuggling weapons and the like from Egypt into Rafiach.

The Non-Existent Mouse that Roared

'Endangered mouse' that cost builders millions never existed

It's Called a Classroom

Friday, June 11, 2004
Room designed that puts people to sleep

All Strings Underwear

(A round-up of recent news events in the world of underwear.)

A, er, string of lingerie-related controversies have, ahem, exposed the sensitive social ramifications of undergarments. First to Britain, where a crusade against public displays of underwear is in full-swing.

Religion of 2-Piece

A British Muslim group is complaining about the placing of an eye-popping, G-string-touting billboard advertisement near two local mosques. BBC reports:

Underwear ad's placing criticized

An advert for women's underwear has been criticised after it was put up on billboards near two mosques.

The poster, for Wiltshire-based company Sloggi, shows four women wearing only G-strings and high heels, alongside the slogan "It's string time".

But complaints were made after the image was put up next to mosques in Leeds and Bury, Greater Manchester.

The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) received two complaints but ruled it was not meant to cause offence.

The ASA said the "nakedness shown in the poster" could offend Muslims if placed near a mosque or a place of worship.

[...] A spokeswoman for Sloggi told BBC News Online the posters have been taken down.

"It is certainly not our intention to offend."

Sex Idol

Also in Britain, a London deparment store has been forced to apologize for a line of Hindu goddess-themed underwear that elicited houls of protest from Hindu activist groups - and brought delightful new meaning to the term "sex idol".

Harrods apology over Hindu goddess bikinis

Luxury department store Harrods has apologised to customers for selling a women’s underwear and swimwear range featuring images of Hindu goddesses.

Managers removed the range after a protest by a Hindu group, the BBC reported on Wednesday.

According to Hindu Human Rights spokeswoman Sheila Church, the Roberto Cavalli-designed garments were an insult to their religion.

“When we heard that Harrods was selling such garments, we registered our protest,” she said.

“Our goddesses are revered by millions of Hindus.

“How can somebody use them for such purposes?”

Hindu Human Rights became aware of the offending range when Indian human resources executive Amitabh Soni saw in-store mannequins wearing the brightly coloured garments on Sunday.

[...] Controversies relating to Hindu icons are not new.

Hindu Human Rights is also protesting against the new film by Ismail Merchant, Shakti, in which rock singer Tina Turner plays the role of goddess Kali.

Last year another department store had to apologise for selling toilet seats with images of a Hindu deity.

Selling slippers with Hindu symbols created trouble for a third London-based retailer.

A number of designers have been attracted by the richness of Hindu iconography and the fad for exotic ethnic patterns.

The Soccer Player Has No Clothes

The British are also miffed about the indecent exposure of their beloved soccer star, David Beckham, who in newly released paparazzi photos is shown wearing nothing but his underwear. The English Football Association has strongly condemned the pictures, which depict Beckam grabbing his genitals, and have lodged an official protest with the Newspaper Publishers Association.

Becks caught in his underpants

Lisbon, Portugal - England soccer officials are angry at paparazzi photos splashed across British tabloid newspapers of star captain David Beckham in his underpants.

The Sun and the Daily Star newspapers printed the photographs on their front pages on Thursday.

The English Football Association warned British newspaper editors and sports reporters in Lisbon ahead of England's opening match with France on Sunday that it considered the pictures "an unjustifiable intrusion into his private life".

[...] Beckham is pictured wearing only underpants and sunglasses. [...] "I've not spoken to David about it," Neville said. "Really, the way that football is going now with the high profile players, it's something that you probably can't do anything about.

Commando Kravitz

In what could be the rumblings of a disturbing new fashion trend, Lenny Kravitz, world famous rock star, has openly renounced the wearing of underwear; and Johnnie Depp is selling his - for charity.

I don't need underwear! says Lenny Kravitz

Rock star Lenny Kravitz has revealed that he prefers staying without underwear because he is just not bothered to wear any.

Lenny, who has dated pop star Natalie Imbruglia and more recently actress Nicole Kidman, disclosed that going without underwear saves him from unnecessary hassle.

"Underwear is just an extra thing I don't need. I like to keep things really simple," The Mirror quoted Lenny as saying.

Johnny Depp to auction his underwear for charity

Hollywood heartthrob Johnny Depp has found a new way to donate to charity, the "Edward Scissorhands" star is going to auction his briefs and the earnings will go to charity.

He is giving away a pair of black undies, described as a Y-front/boxers cross at an auction, the proceeds from which will be given to Helen House, a home for seriously ill children.

Granny's Fanny

Can't they just stick to sweaters?!

Grandmother knits art genitalia

A 72-year-old grandmother could stoke the "shock art" debate by contributing knitted ladies' underwear in the shape of genitalia to an exhibition.
Mary Gee's colourful creations form part of the Will and Testament exhibition in London, where the age of the artist ranges from 72 to 95.

The show, supported by Help the Aged, aims to uncover a Tracey Emin or Damien Hirst of the older generation.


China Daily:
Organic food, yes, but organic underwear?

Old Quack

Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Donald Duck celebrates turning 70

My Home is Your Hive

Honey, what's that buzzing noise?

Beekeepers remove 700,000 bees from man's home

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. -- Lake Worth resident Norm Gitzen didn't mind the more than half-million bees living in the roof of his house until recently.

Rather, he said, they were "kind of mesmerizing," and he often sweetened his morning coffee with honey dripping from the hives.

But when the bees started coming into the house, stinging him and his nephew, his love of that cohabitation changed. Local beekeepers started removing at least 700,000 bees from a tower above his breakfast nook on Tuesday, filling four buckets with honey weighing close to 65 pounds.

[...] The weight of the hives could collapse Gitzen's roof, while the honey could attract ants and rodents, Hartmann said.

Valentine Toncz, who helped remove the bees, will keep half of them, Gitzen said, while the rest will be returned to his house -- in bee boxes.

Mountain of Trash

Everest slopes set for clean-up

Yankees... Come Back

South Korea is shocked - shocked! - by America's plan to withdraw 1/3 of its troops from the Korean Peninsula by the end of next year. The lesson here: Be careful what you wish for.

Senior's Skydive

Tuesday, June 08, 2004
It's a bird...It's a plane...It's Bush Sr.!

Farewell, Mr. President

Monday, June 07, 2004

Ronald Reagan


Saturday, June 05, 2004
A new survey of French opinion confirms what most of us Americans already knew about the French: that they are ungrateful bastards.

According to the poll, more than half of Frenchies believe their country owes no "moral debt" to the United States for saving their precious French asses in WWII.

And we're supposed to care what these rotten people think about our country?

Moore Lies

Friday, June 04, 2004
Academy Award-Winning director, left-wing lunatic, and sweaty obese man, Michael Moore, has been accused by a Minnesotan Senator of omitting a key statement from his upcoming anti-Bush film, Fahrenheit 9-11.

In the film, Moore takes a trip to the Capitol to hassle Congressmen about enlisting their own kids in the military. The ostensible point of this typically Mooronic stunt is to show how the Washington elites who send our boys to war aren't quite up to the job when it comes to personal sacrifice.

Only one problem: the Republican Senator who Moore interviewed has two nephews in the Army National Guard.

Rep. Kennedy pans Michael Moore film editing

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Mark Kennedy has unhappy memories of his filmed encounter with leftist moviemaker Michael Moore, an encounter featured Thursday in a trailer for the upcoming U.S. release of the film "Fahrenheit 9/11."

"I was walking back to my office after casting a vote, and all of a sudden some oversized guy puts a mike in my face and a camera in my face," said the Minnesota Republican. "He starts asking if I can help him recruit more people from families of members of Congress to participate in the war on terror."

Kennedy said he told Moore that he has two nephews in the military, one who has just been deployed in the Army National Guard.

But to Kennedy's annoyance, his response to Moore was cut from the trailer (and from the film, according to a spokeswoman for the movie).

"The interesting thing is that they used my image, but not my words," Kennedy said. "It's representative of the fact that Michael Moore doesn't always give the whole story, and he's a master of the misleading."

A spokeswoman for the film, which has found a U.S. distributor after the Walt Disney Co. refused to release it, said she had no comment.

A transcript released by the film's producers shows Moore telling Kennedy that "there is only one member [of Congress] who has a kid over there in Iraq." He asks Kennedy to help him pass out literature encouraging others "to get their kids to enlist in the Army and go over to Iraq."

Kennedy replies, "I'd be happy to. Especially those who voted for the war. [As Kennedy did.] I have a nephew on his way to Afghanistan."

To which Moore replies: "I appreciate it."

Moore, not the one to let "facts" or "truth" get in the way of a good spectacle, has removed this minor detail from his so-called "documentary".

Not Fonda Kerry

This is shocking. According to a CBS poll, Vietnam war veterans -- who one would expect to be eternally grateful to their fellow veteran, John Kerry, for his brave and valiant service in Vietnam -- actually favor Bush by a margin of 14 percentage points. Isn't that insane? What could possibly explain this hostility among veterans towards the veritable hero of Vietnam?

Let's see... Could they have been turned off by Kerry's decision to join Jane Fonda's traitorous anti-war movement after returning from Vietnam? Nah...

Hmm, could it be his famous testimony before Congress, in which he accused American soldiers of acting like "Genghis Khans", that undermined his support among veterans?

No, I bet it was that vast right-wing conspiracy again, cooking-up myths about Kerry's disloyalty to his comrades-in-arms.

(Can you spot Kerry in the crowd? Hint: he's right above Jane Fonda's head.)