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Balloons! Balloons! Balloons!

Friday, July 30, 2004
Believe it or not, I watched the Kerry speech last night. Kerry, it seems, was his usual stoic self, drawling on in his unbearably torpid tone about such issues as his service in Vietnam, health-care, Bush's lies, his service in Vietnam, national unity, his role as a war hero, and his service in Vietnam. Kerry's face seemed so numbed by the Botox-saturations that it was obviously a struggle for him to express any kind of emotion.

However, in all fairness to the guy, I was somewhat impressed by the fact that he spent part of his childhood in East Germany and that he went to school in Switzerland; as an ex-pat myself, I can appreciate the unique perspective that Kerry, having lived abroad, is capable of bringing to the Oval Office.

I also respect the fact that Kerry appears to be a thinking person who conveys a certain sophistication and intellectual heft that is clearly lacking in former frat-boy Bush. As much as I enjoy Bush's simple, down-to-earth manner, during some of his more painful press conferences, one can't help but wish that we had President who could competently form sentences, let alone express ideas.

*Gasps, clasps mouth in horror*

Oh dear, how dare I utter such profanity about our Great Wise Prophet. Bad, Penn, BAD!

*Brushes self off, continues*

Besides the shocking revelation that Kerry once served in Vietnam, the evening did contain one other notable highlight. It happened during the finale, when the convention director, not knowing that his every word was being broadcast live on CNN, started yelling expletives about the failure of the balloons to fall from the ceiling. Drudge has the transcript and the audio file. It's pretty hilarious.

WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU GUYS DOING UP THERE?"

DNC CONVENTION DIRECTOR DON MISCHER AIRED ON CNN AS KERRY ENDS SPEECH, HEARD WORLDWIDE:

'Go balloons, go balloons! Go balloons! I don't see anything happening. Go balloons! Go balloons! Go balloons! Standby confetti. Keep coming, balloons. More balloons. Bring it- balloons, balloons, balloons! We want balloons, tons of them. Bring them down. Let them all come. No confetti. No confetti yet.

'No confetti. All right, go balloons, go balloons. We need more balloons. All balloons! All balloons! Keep going! Come on, guys, lets move it. Jesus! We need more balloons. I want all balloons to go, goddammit. Go confetti. Go confetti. More confetti. I want more balloons. What's happening to the balloons? We need more balloons.

'We need all of them coming down. Go balloons- balloons? What's happening balloons? There's not enough coming down! All balloons, what the hell! There's nothing falling! What the fuck are you guys doing up there? We want more balloons coming down, more balloons. More balloons. More balloons'...