Trick or Torture!
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Politically incorrect Halloween costumes...
SEE ALSO:
Hoes 'R Us
SEE ALSO:
Kremlin Fried Chicken
Comrade Sanders provides fast-food to the hungry proletarian masses.
SEE ALSO:
Arabian Fried Chicken
Pancakes for Pinkos
Let Them Eat Pine Needles!
North Korean Hamburgers
Army of Clones
One of Bush's new campaign ads features photoshopped soldier replicants:
Apparently Bush's solution to the troop shortage is virtual cloning.
Terrorist Muppets
A character on a Palestinian kids' show that closely resembles Big Bird from Seseame Street has called on children to arm themselves with AK-47s and massacre Jews.
Reminds me of a quote: "Peace will come only when Palestinians love their children more than they hate Jews."
SEE ALSO:
Palestinian Child Abuse
The Sex Lives of Muppets
Flip. Flop.
The John Kerry of 2004 has called the war in Iraq a "grand distraction" from the fight against terror. Yet the John Kerry of 2001 would beg to differ.
Here's what Kerry had to say about Saddam Hussein in an interview two months after Sept. 11th -- and almost a year before the Bush Administration set its sights on Iraq:
I have no doubt, I've never had any doubt--and I've said this publicly--about our ability to be successful in Afghanistan. We are and we will be. The larger issue, John, is what happens afterwards. How do we now turn attention ultimately to Saddam Hussein? How do we deal with the larger Muslim world? What is our foreign policy going to be to drain the swamp of terrorism on a global basis?
Flip.
Flop.
Vice President
Presdident Bush's video reply to Osama bin Laden.
SEE ALSO:
Bush's Drunken Rant
Pretty Boy Fixes Hair
Michael bin Moore
It turns out Osama Bin Laden is a real fan of Michael Moore and Fahrenheit 9/11. In his latest informercial, he parrots Moore's invective about Bush being too busy reading My Pet Goat on the morning of 9/11 to properly respond to the attacks.
"It never occurred to us that he, the commander in chief of the country, would leave 50,000 citizens in the two towers to face those horrors alone, because he thought listening to a child discussing her goats was more important," bin Laden said.
You know you're a traitor when the world's #1 terorrist is reciting your talking points.
UPDATE:
The other perspective...
The Other Flip-Flopper
And you thought John Kerry was the only one who changes his mind...
There's Something About Abe...
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Abraham Lincoln, one of America's greatest presidents and the founder of the now rabidly anti-gay (and incidentally, pro-southern) Republican Party, may have been a homosexual.
Ah, the irony.
Howard Dean's Debate Partner
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
An unmedicated liberal brute tries to shout down the leader of the Swift Boat Veterans by shrieking like a banshee on MSNBC.
(Warning: provides graphic illustration of the vicious debate tactics of leftists.)
Castro Falls
In the physical sense.
Great Leader Fidel Castro tumbles to the floor after slipping on a banana peel allegedly planted by the CIA.
Idiots for Kerry
The same guy who was confused by the Florida butterfly ballot endorses Kerry/Edwards.
(Upside-Down Logic courtesy SondraK)
SEE ALSO:
Ugly Hags for Kerry
Bon Appetit, Liberal Media
Contrary to frantic media reports, the large cache of explosives the went missing from a military facility in Iraq did NOT disappear during the U.S. occupation.
In fact, according to NBC, the explosives had already vanished by the time the military arrived in April 2003. Of course, the New York Times -- the stained liberal ragsheet that it is -- somehow forgot to include this minor factoid in its so-called "exclusive" story.
So once again, Kerry and his media syncophants find themselves feasting on crow.
UPDATE:
This literally just in: 60 Minutes -- the disgraced CBS news program recently caught peddling forged documents -- was planning to broadcast a story on the vanished explosives the night before the election!
Have these scumbags no shame?
(Check the Drudge Report for further details.)
Ugly Hags for Kerry
Martha Stewart's cell mate endorses Kerry/Edwards.
(Quintessential Democrat courtesy SondraK)
Remember
I stumbled across this picture on the internet; it shows the South Tower buckling and tipping over at the moment of the collapse.
Hidden in the crumbling hulk of the skyscraper are hundreds of people miliseconds from death.
The photo captures their last moment on Earth; the moment before they were pulverized and turned to ash.
I wonder how many lives are stored in that picture. I wonder how many thoughts, prayers, and screams are ingrained in that picture. It is staggering -- beyond our ability, in fact -- to calculate the immense amount of destruction encapsulated in that single image. We can try to imagine it, but the concept will always remain as an abstraction, beyond our grasp or comprehension.
It's the surreality of Sept. 11th that makes it so grotesquely fascinating. The colossal suffering and loss of life that took place that day is concealed by the spectacular, alien beauty of the images: the beauty of the airplane being absorbed into a wall of steel and glass; of the orange fireball blossoming outwards from the tower; of the line of smoke seared across the flawless sky; of the cascade of twisted wreckage steaking towards the streets below; of the silent billows of ash engulfing and blanketing the city in a coat of incinerated office building; of the papers and memos and reports swirling whimsically in the air.
Never has something been so beautiful and so horrific at the same time.
PC to Mac
Saturday, October 23, 2004
I used to hate Apple. I used to think that Apple users were freaks. Then I actually used an Apple computer. From that point forward, I was in love. There was no turning back.
Thus, I made the switch; so should you.
SEE ALSO:
Think Differentably
Al-Pieda
Right-wing diva Ann Coulter dodges a pair of pie-throwing lunatics.
SEE ALSO:
Bill Gates Gets Creamed
NoKo News
The latest headlines from the
-- Collection of Kim Jong Il's Works Published in New Zealand
-- First Mural Tomb of Palhae Unearthed in Korea
-- Phyongwon Middle School Renamed Hero School
SEE ALSO:
Let Them Eat Efficacious Pine Needles!
Gogigyeopbbang With Fries
Stone Donated to Juche Idea
PGA in the DPPK
NK-Bomb
We've Been Punk'd!
Noam Chomsky: Erotic Novelist
Liberal philosopher king Noam Chomsky takes a break from villifying America to try his hand at romance novels.
SEE ALSO:
Jimmy Carter: Erotic Novelist
Toilet Customs
Are you an Inspector, a Perfectionist, or a Double-Dipper? Take the bathroom habits survey to find out.
It Came From Outer Space -- II
When deformed Madame Tousseau wax figures come alive...
SEE ALSO:
Another Alien Creature
Flip. Flop.
John Kerry has made a big fuss about America's alleged reliance on Afghan war lords to root out al-Qaeda forces in the mountains of Tora Bora.
This particular allegation has become the bedrock for one of the Kerry campaign's most oft-repeated and fallacious catch-phrases: that the Bush Administration "outsourced" the job of capturing bin Laden to incompetent Afghans.
Not only has Tommy Franks, the general in charge of the Afghan campaign, called Kerry's allegation "false"; but, on top of that, Kerry himself praised the tactics of the Bush Administration. Money quote:
"But for the moment, what we are doing, I think, is having its impact and it is the best way to protect our troops and sort of minimalize the proximity, if you will. I think we have been doing this pretty effectively and we should continue to do it that way."
Flip.
Flop.
Banana Republican
A snazzy new fasion line for neo-cons and bible-thumpers.
This neo-conservative outfit is perfect for unwinding at the end of the day, presiding over a rogue network of war mongers, or simply failing
to offer a timeline for the return of American troops.
Unyielding shirt with preemptive stripes $43
Unilateral trousers $56
I'm not part of any cabal or conspiracy belt $18
No, really I'm not shoes $36
Dude, where's my car bomb? Can't find a weapon of mass destruction -- or a thing to wear? Rest assured that no one will call for your
resignation in these duds -- Abu Ghraib 'em while they're hot!
There are known unknowns grey tank top $27
And there are known unknowns grey pants $45
Listen to me, I know what I'm talking about glasses $75
Do the clothes make the fascist? Ours do -- whether you're lighting
your Cohiba with the Bill of Rights, or wiping Lady Liberty's ass with
the Patriot Act.
Stuffed shirt $65
Strong moral fabric linen blazer $240
Pleated pants (white only, please) $88
Election Coverage
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
President Bush addresses a campaign rally at an underground facility.
SEE ALSO:
Apple's Famous "1984" Commercial
Overseas Voters
I seems the dictators and rogue regimes of the Middle East are as divided as Americans are over who should be the next President.
-- Bush Receives Endorsement from Iran
-- Yasser Arafat Endorses Kerry
Playground Presidents
[NOTE: This article was written by me and appeared in our school newspaper a few weeks ago.]
Presidential campaigns are supposed to exemplify American democracy, and the notions of free speech and open debate that underlie the political traditions of the United States.
But this year, on the eve of the 2004 election, the campaign between Republican incumbent George Bush and Democratic challenger John Kerry has devolved into a grotesque carnival of name-calling and mud slinging more reminiscent of a high-school food-fight than of a reasoned political debate.
Over the past four years, the Left has taken great relish in portraying its number one bogeyman, President Bush, as either a bungling nincompoop or cunning would-be dictator, who, as a recent slew of Bush-bashing books allege, harbors a long-running cocaine addiction and is controlled by a conspiracy of puppet-masters in the oil industry, the bin Laden family, and the House of Saud.
The Right, for its part, depicts Senator Kerry as a vain, flip-flopping patrician, who lied about his Vietnam War record, injects his face with Botox, and wishes to relinquish America's foreign policy to the French.
Unfortunately for fair-minded people with an interest in the truth, such crude and unfair caricatures have become the chief staple of the political discourse between the Left and Right.
During the Republican convention in New York, throngs of angry left-wing zealots descended on Madison Square Garden, burning effigies, screaming insults at delegates, and waving placards comparing Bush to Hitler. Meanwhile, inside the convention hall, an audience of equally stalwart conservatives cheered and booed on cue as Republican speakers took to the podium to denounce John Kerry as an indecisive liberal wimp whose plan for defending the country consists of arming the U.S. military with “spitballs.”
The clash of party ideologies that erupted in New York is but a microcosm of the larger holy war raging across the American political landscape. Indeed, one might say that the Republican and Democratic parties have developed into full-fledged cults, each commanding its own army of propagandists and loyal jihadist foot-soldiers bent on destroying "the Enemy."
The polarized and vitriolic political atmosphere that has gripped the U.S. threatens to turn-off young voters to politics. After all, when young Americans see their politicians behaving like rascally children on a schoolyard, taunting and bullying their opponents, they're likely to take their ball and go home.
King-Sized Mate
Bobby Fischer, proving that he's completely lost his mind, has claimed that the Japanese government is trying to reduce his enormous manhood by exposing him to radiation from a nuclear reactor.
How sad.
Poop Farts
Monday, October 18, 2004
Part of a wholesome daily breakfast:
SEE ALSO:
Wholesome Threesome
Lesbian Waffles
Aryan Milk
Abu Gravy
Tampax Bloody Mary Mix
Airplane Etiquette
MSNBC has some useful hints for blocking out those pesky airline passengers who insist on socializing during flights.
This is a matter that is particularly relevant to me, since I spend a hefty amount of time on airplanes -- the flight from Singapore to L.A. is 20 hours -- and thus have become all too familiar with the interminable chatter-boxes that plague airplanes like bacteria.
Most of these annoying conversationalists follow the same strategy. First they start by striking up some innocuous chit-chat about a book you're reading or about your destination or purpose for flying. Then, once you've become ensnared in their conversational trap, they proceed to sweep you away on a long, twisting journey into Random Tangent Land: a journey that doesn't end until the flight arrives at the terminal.
I've learned from my extensive experiences in the air that the most efficient way to avoid these people and their conversations is by talking about uncomfortable subjects, such as the details of abortion procedure or the chances of surviving a plane crash or bomb explosion. Sure, you'll come off as a pyschopath, but at least you'll win some peace and quiet.
SEE ALSO:
The Dead Will Talk the Earth
King-Sized Mate
Bobby Fischer, proving that he's completely lost his mind, has claimed that the Japanese government is trying to reduce his enormous manhood by exposing him to radiation from a nuclear reactor.
OK...
Georgina Bush
The President as a viking drag queen...
OTHER FUN BUSH-BASHING LINKS:
GWBush'04
WhiteHouse.org
Dress M'Up Dubya
Subservient President
Build a Better Bush
Bush Action Figure Yoga
Dubya Speak
Bush Online Speechwriter
Bush Background Generator
Bush/Cheney '04 Slogan Generator
Bush Soundboard
UPDATE:
More cross-dressing politicians:
(Ms. Kedwards)
Japanese Boy Band
Flamboyant Japanese men sing and dance wearing nothing but fig leaves, in one of the most grotesque music videos you will ever see.
(Click here for the Windows Media version)
SEE ALSO:
Japanese Super Mario Commericial
Japander
Japanese Ping-Pong
Kung-Fu Soccer
Yummy Undies
Coming to a crotch near you:
SEE ALSO:
All Strings Underwear
Exposed Bush
String of Controversy
Demorats
Friday, October 15, 2004
Just when you thought the Democrats couldn't stoop any lower in their villification of Bush, the party starts distributing flyers portraying our President as a retarded sprinter in the Special Olympics.
It's hateful bile like this that tempts me to put aside my misgivings about Bush and become a full-fledged Republican operative in the war against the liberals.
Hitler's the Man to Beat
Easy Bake Oven Championships taking place in New York
SEE ALSO:
'Recipes Not Included'
Satisfied Customer
Cutlery of Mass Destruction
A sixth grader has been suspended for bringing a butter knife to school.
Penn the (Former) Pundit
Yesterday I appeared on Singaporean TV to comment on the presidential debate. It was a fantastic experience. The moments right before I went on air were extremely nerve-racking, but once the camera started rolling I felt completely at ease.
Anyway, I enjoyed my stint as a network talking-head and can proudly say that I've fulfilled my fifteen minutes.
Double Douche
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
www.johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com
www.georgebushisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com
Red Parade
A disruptive protestor halts the procession of floats in Tiananmen Square.
SEE ALSO:
Where's Waldo?
Definition of Courage
Sale!
Penn the Pundit
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
If you happen to be in Singapore on Thursday, tune to Channel News Asia. From 8am till 11am, I'll be on TV with a couple other students and teachers commenting on the final debate between Bush and Kerry.
I've become a network talking-head!
They Call Him Flipper
Definitive audio and video proof that John Kerry is a pathetic waffler.
SEE ALSO:
Who Wants to be a Waffler