Friday, December 31, 2004
The gooey product of two years of gold-digging:
President Bush conducts his own nasal excavation.
Wall of Water
A tourist in Thailand captured this eye-popping footage of the tsunami slamming into shore. Watch the video here
More Tsunami Videos
Spam Poetry (V)
Literary brilliance straight from my inbox:
Where we can greedily teach our cigar.
Indeed, about spider fall in love with debutante about lunatic.For example, living with ballerina indicates that tea party beyond short order cook write a love letter to dolphin of toothache.
He called her Dannie (or was it Dannie?).
"Or was it Dannie?" Indeed, that is the question...
That's the latest estimated death toll in Indonesia alone
. If the figure is in fact accurate, then we are witnessing the worst natural disaster in human history
Cross-dressers commemorate the "Queen" of Pop
UPDATE: Speaking of slutty celebrities and transvestites... Is that stubble on Paris Hilton's chin?
UPDATE II: A fat guy lip-syncs
to a Romanian disco song. (h/t: Jeff
Question of the Day
Have you ever met a dentist with bad teeth?
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
This young victim of the Tsunami disaster lost his entire family to the sea.
(Solemn hat-tip: Uncle Horn Head
Full of Sh*t
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Michael Moore performs his morning stretches...
UPDATE: An astute commenter over at SondraK.com has "pointed" out that the woman's ass bears an astonishing resemblance to, shall we say, a phallic helmet.
(Layers of Lard
Daily headlines from the
Socialist Worker's Paradise.
Kim Jong Il Sends 80th Birthday Table to Former Unconverted Long-term Prisoner
Pyongyang, December 27 (KCNA) -- Leader Kim Jong Il sent the 80th birthday table to Ryu Un Hyong, a former unconverted long-term prisoner. He subjected to colonial slavery, born as a son of the casual laborer in Kimhwa County, Kangwon Province on Dec. 26, Juche 13 (1924). After the liberation of the country he grew up to an able educator and party worker under the care of President Kim Il Sung who established a new system under which the people became a master.
Ryu was active as a party worker in south Korea in the period of the last Korean war. He remained true to his revolutionary principle to the last while spending 34 years in prison after he was arrested by the enemy.
Kim Jong Il put him forward as a hero of the DPRK and a recipient of the National Reunification Prize in high recognition of his feat. He has shown all sorts of paternal love for him as evidenced by his sending the birthday table to him this time.
It was conveyed to him on Dec. 26.
Stone Donated to Tower of Juche Idea
Let Them Eat Pine Needles!
I'll Have a Gogigyeopbbang with Fries
Monday, December 27, 2004
Pornography for the blind:
UPDATE: This guy looks excited
Bad Jobs for the
Seeing Eye Horse
He Never Heard It Coming
At Least He's Honest...
The research will be conducted at a local 7-11...
Look what the North Koreans have been reduced to boasting about...
(I've highlighted some of the more hilarious examples of overwrought propaganda.)
Kim Jong Il's Work Posted on Internet Homepage in Britain
Pyongyang, December 25 (KCNA) -- "The Workers' Party of Korea Is the Party of the Great Leader Comrade Kim Il Sung", a famous work of leader Kim Jong Il, was posted by the British Association for the Study of Songun Policy on an Internet homepage on Dec. 13. The work, published on October 2, Juche 84 (1995), is an immortal great programme for party building and activities as it reviewed with pride the glorious history of the WPK which hewed a new road of building a revolutionary party in the era of independence under the leadership of President Kim Il Sung and indicated the way of strengthening and developing the WPK into the eternal party of the President.
The association also posted on the homepage a photo-accompanied article explaining the great Songun idea and the invincible Songun policy, which were set out by Kim Il Sung and the originality and vitality of which are being fully demonstrated to the world by Kim Jong Il.
It Only Works Once
Sunday, December 26, 2004
Apocalypse Here and Now
If you've been paying any attention to the news lately, then you know that South-east Asia has been hit by one of the worst natural disasters
in modern history.
I happen to live in the geographical heart of South-east Asia: Singapore. But besides a few early morning tremos
, the tiny city-state was largely spared from the terrific earth-quake and subsequent tidal waves that wrecked destruction across the surrounding region.
My concern today lies in the Maldives
, a group of thousands of tiny islands located off the tip of India. My family has holidayed in the tropical paradise every year for the past four years; and during our visits we've become close friends with a number of people who live there.
When the tsumanis struck, the tourist season was at its peak. Since the Maldives is situated at sea level, it is likely that many of the islands, along with hundreds of crowded, high-end resorts, were submerged and wiped away by the monster-sized waves that swept across the Indian Ocean -- although we can't know for sure what's happened, since communications are down.
The disaster has left me shaken and sad. It was only yesterday that I was wishing I was in the Maldives, relaxing on one of its magnificent white beaches. Today, I can't imagine myself going back.
My prayers are with the Maldivian people, and all the unfortunate souls who have fallen victim to the terrible wrath of Mother Nature.
Spam Poetry (IV)
What vivid imagery, what lucid language, what -- what brilliance!
Leonardo, although somewhat soothed by sheriff living with ocean and around reactor.
Sometimes inside swamp meditates, but briar patch near always brainwash near paper napkin!
bicep behind tape recorder conquer over dolphin, but mirror for recognize for pit viper.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
This Honda commercial
will take your breath away.
(NOTE: As you're watching, keep in mind that none of it is computer animated and that it took 606 takes
to get it right.)
Friday, December 24, 2004
Thursday, December 23, 2004
A cheating boyfriend/husband is exposed
over the radio.
It's a True Story
The war in Iraq is making me physically sick. I can no longer say that I support what we're doing there. The once noble mission has devolved into a nightmarish quagmire from which there seems to be no escape.
150,000 American men and women have been trapped in the heart of the Arab World for almost two years, fighting a war whose reasons are vague and fluctuating; a war that was waged according to a farcical plan; a war that was devised by deluded neo-conservatives in stuffy offices in Washington -- men fueled by impropable fantasies of a US-induced democratic revolution in the Middle East.
There is no sign of impending victory. If anything, the insurgency is intensifying; the chaos is deepening; the Iraqi people are becoming more restive and discontented and violent by the day. The Europeans are laughing callously in our faces, and the Arabs -- insane as they are -- are taking morbid pleasure from the sight of infidel blood being spilt by their "brothers" in Iraq.
The war was a bad idea. And I'm sick
Spam Poetry (III)
The profundity is mind-blowing:
girls remain fashionable.
A few toothpicks, and cheese wheel from) to arrive at a state of blithe spirit
Unlike so many toothaches who have made their spartan avocado pit to us.
Now and then, buzzard around tea party plan an escape from fighter pilot inside pork chop.
inside cough syrup goes to sleep, or umbrella related to demon share a shower with line dancer behind.
Michael Jackson Will Be Visiting
Reasons to Hate the French
Horrific Gift Ideas
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Merry Christmas, PETA activists!
(Via: the sick, twisted forums of FARK.com
My Eyes! They Burn!
This is the most disgusting website EVER
. (And it gets dramatically worse as you scroll down.)
The war in Iraq was hardly a "conservative" venture. The whole idea of "regime change" is quite contrary to conservatism, in that it is based on the radical and decidedly unconservative notion that age-old status quos can be forcibly upturned and that ancient societies can be conquered, subdued and re-engineered at the barrel of a gun.
The invasion was not launched in self-defense, but was rather a costly and overambitious attempt to remake the Middle East according to an unworkable Western design... A noble goal, perhaps, but an unfeasible one.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
This could make for an interesting mud-wrestling match.
(h/t: The Door From Hell
Donald Duck receives a sexual favor
. (Audio not safe for work.)
This is the kind of ride you'd find at the Neverland Ranch...
(h/t: Conservative Legion
Spam Poetry (II)
This stuff rivals Shakespeare:
When food stamp inside is placid, of espadrille eat buzzard beyond defendant.
When you see bonbon toward, it means that freight train related to movie theater flies into a rage.
When toward hydrogen atom leaves, stalactite living with tenor wakes up.
When around photon is lovely, related to turkey laugh and drink all night with bowling ball beyond dahlia.
Monday, December 20, 2004
Such poignant words:
When you see tuba player around, it means that bubble about takes a coffee break.
And host the dark side of her snow.He called her Susanna (or was it Susanna?).
...or mangled chunks of cardboard
We report, you decide.
is an exciting sport
Battle of the Icons
A savage war rages across the desktop
HO! HO! HO!
Sunday, December 19, 2004
(h/t: Unscathed Corpse
You Are Getting Sleepy...
As if big breasts weren't hypnotic
Question of the Day
Isn't it funny that you never see flies having sex?
He Murdered His Carpool
Saturday, December 18, 2004
Question of the Day
Do the voices
in people's heads have accents?
The Cat Lady
This woman belongs on Jerry Springer
(Be sure to listen to the whole thing. The last line is classic!)
Pinky the (Evil) Cat
Funny Feline Frolicking
Friday, December 17, 2004
To boldly go where no third nipple
has gone before...
Popping your dog's anal sacs: a how-to guide.
(Includes helpful animated video.)
A zoologist's source for porn...
Playboy: The Literary Version
The Left is once again hyperventilating over the maltreatment of prisoners in U.S. custody.
Frankly, I don't understand what all the fuss is about. Do I care if the occasional al-Qaeda member is roughed up by the CIA? No, not particularly. If it takes a few genital shocks to convince a terrorist to divulge information about an attack, then so be it.
The war against terrorism is an unconventional conflict, which, I'm sad to say, will sometimes require the use of unconventional -- and unsavory -- methods of interrogation.
Basically, as long as the "torture" in question isn't cruel or sadistic -- as it was in the case of Abu Ghraib -- as long as it is done for clear intelligence-gathering purposes, and as long as it is applied in a responsible and disciplined manner, I have no problem with it.
The way I see it, the world is a nasty place filled with shadowy, bloodthirsty terrorists who are bent on destroying civilization and committing mass-murder against Americans. And sometimes, in order to stop these people, you have to take off your gloves and get your hands dirty.
I Hate Rummy
Question of the Day
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Do starving people need to poop?
A Third Arm
Or is it a sixth finger
Icy Peaks (II)
A demonstration of Toyota's powerful air-conditioning system
Practice Safe Browsing
Protect your computer against internet-transmitted diseases
Skydiver vs. 747
Rifle vs. Tank
France's New Bridge
It's designed to accomodate three lanes of Tiger tanks, and is lined with white flags and roll-down Nazi banners.
You know, just in case.
Liberals Crying a River
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
I had to hold back tears as I watched this moving tribute
to John Kerry and all the brave but crestfallen volunteers who fought so hard for his campaign.
There, there, Democrats. Don't despair. I'm sure you'll bounce back in
2008 2012 2018 2022 2026
... Um, yeah. Nevermind.
[Sobbing hat-tip: LGF
If You Haven't Already...
It's light years ahead of Internet Explorer; it's free; and if you're not using it, you're a loser.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Japanese Santas Undergo Training
UPDATE: "'Tis the season to be jorry!"
UPDATE II: "Fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra!"
It's exactly 3 AM here in Singapore. Tomorrow is my big final exam in Chemistry and I only started studying for it about an hour ago (2 AM).
Currently I'm sitting on the couch with a bunch of papers strewn in front of me, drinking from a jug of Gatorade, nibbling on a peanut-butter sandwich, and wallowing in self-pity.
Anyway, just wanted to share my misery with the rest of my readers. Have a good day.
I certainly won't.
I'm so exhausted I feel like an extra from Night of the Living Dead.
Chatting with Donald Rumsfeld
Here's your chance to interrogate the Defense Secretary
An Excuse for Being Fat
That's not an oversized baby in her stomach. That's a tumor
The monstrous 66 lb. clump had been growing in the woman's stomach for over a year before it was finally removed.
Geez. How long did it take her to realize that something was wrong? Was she in the shower one day, soaping up, when she suddenly noticed that her belly was as large as a beach ball?
And once you've discovered the tumor, then what? Do you rush to the emergency room? Do you call up and scheldule an appointment with a doctor?
"Hi, I'd like to meet with Dr. Jones... My complaint? Well, there's a tumor the size of the Sputnik satellite hanging from my lower body. Right. Tuesday at 4? OK, that's great. Thank you."
And does the tumor interfere with your social life? I mean, are you able to go out to a movie or have dinner at a restaurant with friends?
And do people ask about the tumor, or is too embarassing to bring up?
"Gosh, Margaret, you've gained a lot of weight recently. Is everything all right?"
"Oh, yeah. It's just a giant tumor. I'm having it checked out on Tuesday."
Those doctors look awfully proud. Like a fisherman displaying a big catch.
Talk about flip-flops...
Suddenly, I like French women
Rifle vs. Tank
Which will prevail? Click to find out.
courtesy Outside the Beltway
Sunday, December 12, 2004
First it was the anal message device
. Then it was marijuana
. Now TARGET is selling chastity panties
It's not quite clear how the chastity panties work, but I suspect it might have something to do with foul-smelling fabric.
This girl doesn't have one.
This. Is. Hilarious.
Question of the Day
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Are necrophiliacs turned-on by gravestones?
Drop Your Weapon!
A robbery that backfired...
[Hat-tip: Evil White Guy
Please validate my lowly existence by leaving comments on this blog.
Posting a comment is a simple process:
1. Click "Litter" at the bottom of the post.
2. Type things.
3. Press "Post".
These are the people I want running the country!
For more pictures of wild moonbats in their natural habitat, go here
(Moonbat hat-tip: SondraK
I Hate Rummy
Friday, December 10, 2004
Even as a hawk who strongly supported, and still does support, the Iraq war, I despise Donald Rumsfeld: a prick, a failure, and an arrogant ideologue who bears prime responsibility for the calamity in Iraq.
In the wake of the Vietnam War, General Colin Powell created a simple military doctrine which stated that America should only go to war using massive, overwhelming force, and that it should have a clear exit-strategy ready in advance.
Rumsfeld, the genius military planner that he is, decided after 9/11 that the Powell Doctrine was outdated and useless. So he scrapped it and came up with one of his own. Under the Rumsfeld Doctrine, wars could be won on the cheap, dictators could be toppled at little cost, and democracy could be readily installed at gun-point.
After the initial triumph of the war, it appeared for one fleeting moment that the Rumsfeld Doctrine had been gloriously vindicated. America had deposed Saddam with a relatively small and nimble force of roughly 150,000 men; the Iraqis were rejoicing in the fall of their brutal dictator; and democracy seemed like a near prospect. Rumsfeld must have been giddy.
Then, faced in the aftermath of the war with a growing plague of choas, looting, and terrorist violence, Rumsfeld shrugged it off with typical smugness and care-free arrogance; "Stuff happens," he said blithely.
And indeed, stuff did happen -- terribly bad
According to Rumsfeld's pipe-dreams for post-war Iraq, the reconstruction would be almost entirely paid for with Iraqi oil revenue, the American military would be quickly replaced by the Free Iraq Militia, and its leader, wanted criminal and neo-con chum Ahmed Chalabi, would be appointed the new President and would rapidly transform the country into a shining beacon of peace, democracy, and market-capitalism.
Of course, none of the neo-cons' wild fantasies ever came true.
The Free Iraq militia turned out to be a sham. Ahmed Chalabi was exposed as a crook and a fraud who had fed the Administration blatantly false intelligence on Saddam's WMD. And the neo-cons' predictions of a "cake-walk" were revealed as absurd fallacies.
With the Pentagon's delusions laying in ruins, America found itself mired in a hostile Muslim land, confronted with an intractable insurgency, a restive population, sectarian strife, and spreading anarchy, without enough soldiers to win the peace.
Rumsfeld could have avoided this disastrous outcome by respecting the Powell Doctrine and by heeding the advice of top generals in the Pentagon who insisted that America would need a lot more troops to pacify Iraq. But Rumsfeld didn't listen, and now we're left to deal with the consequeneces of his blunders and scadalous idiocy.
Just don't expect him to be fired.
Iraq Without a Plan
Thought of the Day
Who do homeless people pity?
Give Bush a Brain
Yes, it's anti-Bush; but it's amusing nonetheless
Take This Quiz...
...And prove that not all Americans are crass, ignorant blockheads
. (I scored a 15/20.)
Park the Car
That's the object of this game
SUBJECT: Atlas Shrugged
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Here's an excerpt from a recent e-mail I sent to a fellow blogger
and conservative teenager regarding Ayn Rand
and her brilliant, eye-opening book, Atlas Shrugged
. I should note that it has been slightly edited.
I see you're reading Atlas Shrugged. That's neat, so am I.
Right now I'm at the part where Dagny arrives at... well, never mind; I don't want to spoil the plot for you.
Let me say this: Ayn Rand is a genius. A total f***ing genius. Whenever I tell my ultra-liberal, quasi-Marxist teachers that I'm reading one of her books, they invariably groan and sneer and a few call her a "fascist" -- at which point I have to restrain myself from ramming a pencil into their eye, before carefully explaining that Rand couldn't possibly be a fascist since she believed strenuously in the ideals of liberty and individual freedom, while the fascists believed in the exact opposite: namely, the nationalization of industry and the enslavement of the individual to the collective being, in the forms of the State and the Race. In fact, I tell them, fascism shares far more in common with communism than it does with capitalism.
At which point my teachers -- who probably have lurid sexual fantasies involving Karl Marx and Josef Stalin -- usually fall silent, then grumble something about Nazis and/or repeat the word "fascist".
Actually, I think I'm going to post that little blurb on my blog.
I was extremely bored today so I decided to deck the blog with boughs of holly and other sundry Christmas decorations, which I'll take down by March.
Random Funeral Home Ad of the Day
For some reason, I thought this was creepy...
Roll in the Hay
An oddly appropriate place to set up a brothel
Expect the Kids to Sue...
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Parents Go on Strike
Coming to a Cave Near You (II)
Osama bin Laden's "Fahrenheit 911"
The Truth About Chinese Food
I found this cartoon on FARK.com. It's disgusting and sexually explicit, but if that doesn't bother you, click here
Unfortunate Fortune Cookies
Message in a cookie
Nigerian Spam Cookie
An after-dinner revelation:
Punk Rock President
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
The funkier side of Bush
Secretary of Disco
Whee! Look at Me!
Monday, December 06, 2004
Reporting live from the Nudist Marathon...
Man arrested for nude stroll
Chatting with Jane Goodall
On Wednesday, Jane Goodall
, the world-famous chimp lady, will be visiting my high school
to lecture and meet with students. Hopefully I'll be able to interview her for the school newspaper. If I do, I'll be sure to post the transcript here.
Oh, and if you'd like me to ask her a question of yours, please leave a suggestion below.
Sunday, December 05, 2004
The mystery of Dick Cheney's bulge
I was doing a Crossword puzzle
and combing the dictionary for an answer to the clue "Type type" when I noticed this rather odd definition for "pica"
, a word which refers to both a type-setting and to:
An abnormal craving or appetite for nonfood substances, such as dirt, paint, or clay.
The wonderful thing about English is that there's a word for everything -- even for my unusual habit of eating wall-paper.
Just kidding. Although it is delicious.