True Blue

Sunday, February 06, 2005
I have a confession to make: I'm a blue-stater. And a Bush-supporter. It sounds oxymoronic, but it's true. All my characteristics are consistent with those of a blue-stater and contrary to those of a red-stater.

For example:

- I despise football but enjoy playing badminton and tennis.
- I hate the South.
- I love New York and Los Angeles.
- I am not particularly fond of barbeques.
- I have never eaten road-kill.
- I have a full set of teeth.
- I have never worn a cowboy hat and/or dirty overalls.
- I have never referred to a group of people as "y'all".
- I have never called my mother "Ma".
- I have never used the expression "I'm gonna kill myself a queer".
- I have never resided in a trailer.
- I believe that Jesus was a wandering hippie, not a gun-toting, white-robed Rambo.
- I do not own a shotgun.
- I have never engaged in sexual relations with my immediate family.
- I am sophisticated, cultured, and well-informed.

If you think I'm grossly steretyping the average red-stater, then you're wrong. All red-staters are exactly as they're described. There are no exceptions whatsoever.