By the Way...

For the past couple of days I've been guest-blogging at SondraK, so make sure to check me out there.

And here's my take on the lastest U.N. report showing that more Iraqi children are starving now than were under Saddam.

Mission Accomplished!

"Operation: Starve Schiavo" was a phenonemenal success!



Congratulations, Mr. Schiavo, on a job well done. Here's your T-shirt.

You Know You're a Redneck If...

...You have one of these attached to your bumper.

Drunkards Do the Darndest Things

And now this...

They Went For a Stroll

Police Investigate After Organs Discovered on Sidewalk

NASA's Best Idea Ever

(via FARK.com)

"Mom, Dad..."

"I'd like you to meet my new girlfriend, Christine."

"But... What do you mean? There's no one there..."

"Of course not. She's imaginary."

Evil Bumper Stickers

*roll horrified gasps*



(h/t: Rosemary)

---

OTHER SACRILEGE:

Anti-Christ Links
The Anti-Christ's Homepage
Anti-Christ Political Ad
Cuddly Christ
The Romantic Passion of the Christ
Jesus Shampoo

the Art of Body Language

Ending a boring conversation at the office: a hilarious how-to guide.

Future Vacation Spots

Famous Last Words

"Oh, crap..."


SEE ALSO:
This.

Oh Dear God!

What is Arnold Schwarzeneger's head doing on Ted Kennedy's body?!



Hey, notice how the sag makes it look like his body is sad!

A Gift for Grandma

"Go on, give it a ride!"

(WARNING: Quite Graphic!)

Horrific Travel Brochures

(click to enlarge)



(via FARK.com)

Motion Blindness

An awesome optical illusion.

(via Roger)

Euthanize Him!

Stephen Hawking, the wheelchair-bound vegetable with the freaky robot voice, has endured immense pain and suffering throughout his 40 years of pointless existence... And as Liberal Larry so emotionally points out, he deserves a dignified death.

The Yamulkabra

A divine bra for Jewish boobies.




SEE ALSO:
This and this.

Fun Fact of the Day

Terry Schiavo -- the brain-damaged woman who's currently starving to death because her adulterous "husband" has ordered her feeding-tube to be removed -- has never undergone a PET or MRI scan... because -- suprise! surprise! -- her "husband" has refused to allow it, despite the urgings of dozens of reputable neurosurgeons.

But then again, there's really no time for such medical formalities when you've got a disabled woman to kill.

---

MORE FUN FACTS:

The government-appointed neurosurgeon who deemed Terry Schiavo to be in a "Permanent Vegetative State" is a leading crusader in the "right-to-die" movement.

What's more:

In cases where other doctors don't see it, Dr. Cranford seems to have a knack for finding PVS. Cranford also diagnosed Robert Wendland as PVS. He did so in spite of the fact that Wendland could pick up specifically colored pegs or blocks and hand them to a therapy assistant on request. He did so in spite of the fact that Wendland could operate and maneuver an ordinary wheelchair with his left hand and foot, and an electric wheelchair with a joystick, of the kind that many disabled persons (most famously Dr. Stephen Hawking) use. Dr. Cranford dismissed these abilities as meaningless. Fortunately for Wendland, the California supreme court was not persuaded by Cranford's assessment.

Even though Dr. Cranford is an ardent "right-to-die" activist, and even though a study by the British Medical Journal "concluded that there was a 43-percent error rate in the diagnosis of PVS", there's still absolutely no chance whatsoever that Dr. Cranford has misdiagnosed Terry Schiavo's condition.

None at all.

Swearing in Arabic

A COMPLETE GUIDE

P.S. Osama bin Laden is an ihir who should kl zegg.

This Is What the Japanese Call "Fun"

As Far as Fetishes Go...

...This is downright derranged!

North America Remapped

SEE ALSO:
This and this.

Adaptive Apparel

Does your Grandpa suffer from Alzheimers? Is he frequently overcome with an urge to strip?

If you answered "yes", then we have a solution for you...

Intergallactic Pornography

"OH YES CAPTAIN KIRK, YES!!"



(phaser-tip: Roger)

Industrial Safety

This grotesque headline reminded me of an old video that I once posted on my blog: a German instructional film on how to safely operate a fork-lift. It's very informative.

Enjoy.

Canine Contraceptives

Now your dogs can practice safe humping with their own brand of condoms...




SEE ALSO:

Horsing Around

Cheney's Pet Anaconda

It's confirmed: there is a monster in Dick Cheney's pants:

---

UPDATE:

In a future issue, no doubt...

Cartoon Bunnies Re-enact Famous Films

...in 30 seconds...

"Blow My Nose"

Tissue, please...

(h/t: SondraK)

Another B-Grade Horror Flick

When there's no more room in the special schools, the "retardead" will walk that Earth...

Flow

This is probably what it's like to be high on heroin.

"Monsturd"

A real horror movie about a man who falls into a sewer and becomes a giant killer turd. Guaranteed to make you shit your pants.



P.S. Make sure to check out the trailer. It's pooptastic.

Shizzolate Dat Shit!

Yo, wazzup my homedawgs, thiz shiznit is whack!

Dawg.

Journey to the Rainbow Planet

(via FARK.com)

Clinton on Iran

A few weeks ago, Bill Clinton made some controversial statements on Iran that've attracted a barrage of ridicule from right-wing pundits. Here's what he said:

"Iran today is, in a sense, the only country where progressive ideas enjoy a vast constituency. It is there that the ideas that I subscribe to are defended by a majority."

"In every single election, the guys I identify with got two thirds to 70 per cent of the vote. There is no other country in the world I can say that about, certainly not my own."

Right-wingers misconstrued Clinton's comments as praise for the mullahs in Iran. But if you listen to the full speech, it's clear that Clinton was not talking about the Mullahs. Rather, he was referring to the progressive parties that have indeed won resounding majorities in Iran's elections - but which have been denied any real power by the junta of theocrats that holds final sway over the Iranian government.

Clinton is right. Most Iranian citizens are progressives who crave reform. But their voice has been stifled by the clerical regime.

They need our help.

elgooG

This is neat... and useful if you live in a country that censors your search results.

Homo Depot

The national superstore is bowing to the HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA!!!

Quick! Run for the homo shelters!

---

UPDATE:

First it was Homo Depot... Now the Homos Hamas terrorist group in Palestine has succumbed to the HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA!!!



These public displays of perversion cannot be allowed to stand... Hamas must be purged of its homos!


SEE ALSO:

Hezbollah Holds Gay Pride March

Schiavo Merchandise

King Tut's Wang

It's been found... although it looks like he' suffered some severe shrinkage over the past few millenia...



It's certainly no match for Rasputin's...

OH. MY. DEAR. GOD.

This is the most unspeakably vile picture you will ever see. It is so awful it transcends description. I'm not exaggerating. It will burn itself into your retinas and eat away at your brain tissue... It will scar you for life.

In other words, don't click ***NSFW*** here ***NSFW*** if you value your physical and mental well-being.

Seriously. I'm urging you... For the love of God! DON'T DO IT!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BREAKING NEWS

MICHAEL MOORE DEAD

As Tasteless as Terry Schiavo's Mouth

The Real Jesus

Modern Christianity portrays Christ as a white-robed Aryan... but this idyllic portrayal has little basis in reality. In fact, according to researchers, Jesus bore an uncanny resemblance to Saddam Hussein after he was pulled from his spiderhole.

Here's a scientist's recreation of Jesus' brown, grizzled, and unshaven mug:



Sort of changes your view of him, doesn't it?

Michael Moore's Memoirs

(h/t: BlameBush)

The Anti-Christ's Homepage

The spawn of Satan has a delightful personal website.

Rebuttal

SEE ALSO:

Competing Messages

When Protestors Attack

Liberal insanity caught on tape.

The Tides of Change

If there's any doubt that a revolution is taking place in the Middle East, then this picture of nearly a million Lebanese rallying in Beirut to protest against Syrian tyranny should dispell those doubts.



(hat-tip: President Bush)

Pro-Mac Propaganda

Bedfellows

Michael Moore and the Democratic Party:

Give Me All Your Money...

Or the rabbit gets it!

(Don't worry PETA activists, the site's a hoax)

Stolen from The Onion...

Thick Sweater No Match
For Determined Nipples

Circumcision Made Quick and Easy!

Irony and Coincidence on the Roads

Man Impersonating Cop Pulls Over Real Police Officer

Twins Caught Speeding on Same Day, Same Car

Driver Arrested Moments After Judge Orders Him Not To Drive

Anti-Seat Belt Law Advocate Killed in Car Accident

The Perfect Place to Crash Your Car

Split Second

Here's something wild I stumbled across: a series of photographs taken 1/100,000,000th of a second after the explosion of an atomic bomb in the Nevada desert... I'd hating to be standing at the top of that tower.

I'm Back

Hey! Sorry for the long hiatus. For the past few days I've been participating in an insanely stressful (and exhilarating) school event called Cultural Convention. I've just gotten back from the awards ceremony; I won two gold medals in extemporaneous and impromptu speaking and a bronze in debate.

I'd tell you more but I'm dead tired... So I'll tell you more later.

Wow...

I didn't know Gary Coleman was a karate master!

As a matter of fact, he's almost as skilled as the karate chimp...

(h/t: Conservative Legion)

Mt. St. Helens

My Repulsive Song Idea

Whenever I'm around you
My organs turn to mush
My orifices bleed
And my brain's reduced to slush

My flesh peels off in sheets
And my skin begins to boil
My anus starts to dribble
A green, infected soil

You're a bad case of Ebola
You make me sick
You're a walking biohazard
A bubonic tick

You're a global epidemic
Of catastrophic scale
The mere sight of your person
Would make baby Jesus wail

Now my heart's contaminated
My life's begun to melt
My limbs have atrophied
And my soul's covered in welts

You're a virulent disease
You've made me sick
That first glance at your face
rotted off my dick

....

(more later)

Question of the Day

Is it possible that God is an emoticon?

HTML Gone Bad

This website looks like the work of a blind web designer.

Amish Technical Assistance

(plain black hat-tip: C&S)

---

UPDATE:

What do you call an Amish man with his hand up a horse's ass?

A mechanic.

*Barf*

Recently a professor at the University of Colorado named Ward Churchill attracted national attention by calling the victims of 9/11 "little Eichmanns", in reference to the Nazi official who directed the Holocaust. A few days ago the professor was given a hero's welcome on the HBO show Real-Time with Bill Maher.

The video of his blood-curdling appearance can be accessed here. I must warn you, the spectacle of two raving liberals sympathetically caressing each other's ideologies is nausea-inducing, so make sure to keep a bucket nearby while you watch.

The Messiah Is Single

And he's searching for a soul-mate...

Missing the Point

This Is News?

Another bizarro news-item from the bowels of the North Korean News Agency. This one was so grandiloquent it made me spew.

Heroic Feats in General March for Songun Revolution Vowed
Pyongyang, March 4 (KCNA) -- Meetings were held at the Ministry of Railways and industrial establishments and farms across the country for fulfilling up to the hilt the tasks laid down in the appeal of the meeting for the general march for the Songun revolution to all the servicepersons and people. The participants there manifested their confidence and will to perform heroic feats in the march for glorifying the 60th anniversaries of the Workers' Party of Korea and the liberation of the country as grand festivals of proud victors. Speakers at the meetings said the appeal reflected the unanimous desire and strong will of tens of millions of soldiers and people to add endless shine to the proud history and tradition of the Songun revolution, united around leader Kim Jong Il in one mind.

They called for vigorously stepping up the general march for the Songun revolution in response to the appeal of the great mother party and motherland thus making this year of significant fetes the most worthwhile and prosperous year both in name and reality.

FOX News Smashes CNN's Ratings

The reason behind Fox News' surging success...


Bubble-headed Bleach-blondes




SEE ALSO:

J Blow
SHUT UP!!!

---

UPDATE:

If Fox News had been around in the '50s:

She Likes It Ruff

Woman Accused Of Naked Dog Wrestling

Dawn of the (Near) Dead

Brazilian, 125, May Be the Oldest Woman



"I will eat your brains!"

Only in West Virginia

West Virginian Teacher Accused of Sex Abuse



"Wanna have some fun in my trailer?"

---

UPDATE:

C-U-N-T-F-L-A-P-S

What kind of sick game show is this?!?

Welcome Home

and thank you...

Today's Kodak Moment

Indian woman Namatia Ghosh, 46, nurses her five-year-old pet monkey Babloo. Namatia has become an attraction in Chandrapur and receives many visitors curious to see her caring for her pet.

Kirstie Alley will be requesting her services...

Talk About "Pianists"

Meet the new Mozarts... and their musically-talented wangs.



(cock-tip: Conservative Legion)

History Passing Them By

The Iraqi elections were widely dismissed by leftists as a Bush-orchestrated sham. But many prominent Arab intellectuals have contradicted the glib assessment of the nay-saying Left.

Walid Jumblatt -- the Lebanese opposition leader who spear-headed the campaign to unseat the Syrian-backed government in Lebanon -- has compared the voting in Iraq to the collapse of the Berlin Wall. According to him, the Iraqi elections have triggered a democratic upheavel in the Middle East not unlike the chain of uprisings seen in Eastern Europe after the fall of that ghastly barrier in Berlin.

"It's strange for me to say it, but this process of change has started because of the American invasion of Iraq. I was cynical about Iraq. But when I saw the Iraqi people voting three weeks ago, 8 million of them, it was the start of a new Arab world. . . . The Syrian people, the Egyptian people, all say that something is changing. The Berlin Wall has fallen. We can see it."

History will look back on President Bush and remember him for two great achievements: one, freeing millions of people from the grip of a brutal megalomaniac; and two, bringing democracy and freedom to the Arab World.

What will the Democrats be remembered for? Jeering on the sidelines.