Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Looks like the leftist pig has been taking some extra slurps from the trough. Indeed, Michael Moore's flabby chin seems to have grown significantly over the past months.
estimates there are now five rolls, but I disagree. From my perspective, it appears that his chin lard has merged into a single, stubble-covered entity that's hanging from his face like a fleshy pouch -- or in other words, a large, fatty chin scrotum.
Unfairenhate 9/11 (My review of Moore's load of feces masquerading as a film.)
Moore is Less?
World Tetris Center
I'm so going to burn in hell for posting this...
Monday, August 30, 2004
Paris Hilton's nipple slip
Anybody But Either
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Link: Anybody But Bush, Except For Kerry
With each of the major candidates as repugnant and unappealing as the other, I may have to resort to supporting a Third Party nominee; and who better to lead the country in this time of great crisis and peril than Pee Wee Herman, a brave American hero with a distinguished record of masturbating in public...
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Everything you ever wanted to know about poop (or didn't):
Doodie.com [Featuring daily poop cartoon]
Rate My Poo [**GRAPHIC**]
Poop Names [A glossary of poop terms]
Gross Names [Movie titles that evoke pooping]
Crap Machine [Create your own poop!]
The Poop Thesaurus
is also interesting; I thought "anal butter" was an exquisite synonym for poop, though "sphincter spears" and "blind eels" are creative, too.
(It's Mr Hanky
I would have had a lot of fun with this
The Turd Twister is a complete kit for shaping your turd into amazing designs
The Turd Twister is designed to fit comfortably up your butt during your morning constitutional. Insert the Extruder Ring, hold it tenderly between your butt cheeks, and let nature take its course. Now you can take advantage of sophisticated Turd Twister extrusion technology to craft incredible excremental designs whenever you like!
Imagine the beauty of your turd as it passes through the great designer patterns. And the Turd Twister's advanced design and breakthrough material specifications mean successful turds every time. Simply insert the apparatus, take a dump, and watch the results! Fun for the whole family!
A family discovers that their minivan is not an amphibious vehicle
P.S. Some witty captions
gathered from the Caption Machine
"Sadly, Jessica Simpson misunderstood when she was asked to join the car pool."
"...and you're absolutely sure there's no one else in there, Senator Kennedy?"
"DUDE!...THERE'S MY CAR!!"
"The Hensons were the first on the block to get a SUVmarine."
"I don't understand it, the dealer said it would work fine in wet conditions...."
I Doubt They're Lawn Ornaments
An actual picture
from a real-estate website.
courtesy Discount Blogger
Miracle of Botox
Save the Elephants
My high school in Singapore is ruled by a junta of hippies and unreformed Pinkos who profess to their students an ultra-liberal, "white man is root of all evil" interpretation of history that is naturally unbearable to a conservative like myself.
This year, I finally got so sick of the erroneous agitprop masquerading as education that I decided to set up my very own branch of the vast right-wing conspiracy: a Republican club called "Save the Elephants".
On Friday, the school held a club fair in which about 40 conservative agitators signed up to join our vicious right-wing attack squad. (In a stunning demonstration of the organizational skills of liberals, the rival Green Club garnered a whopping 7 people, and the Democrat club failed to turn in their paperwork). Though the event was a resounding success for youthful conservatism, our ultimately successful effort to establish an organ for Republican causes was slightly marred by an act of censorship on the part of the school.
Apparently, some hippy-dippy Bolshevik (and when I label my teachers Bolsheviks, I'm not exaggerating; on more than one occasion I have found myself in class refuting Marxism and apologies for Stalin) took great emotional offense from a hurtful poster on display at our booth. Like any good liberal who appreciates the value of free speech
, the teacher immediately reported our grave offense to the principal, who dutifully ordered the posters removed from public sight.
What's most perplexing and infuriating about this incident is that the posters hadn't even been hung-up around school; we were simply handing them out to fellow Republican students, who taped them to their uniforms as a sign of solidarity.
Anyway, the inflammatory hate speech in question can be viewed here
. Do you think it warranted the intervention of the school administration?
I report, you deride...
Friday, August 27, 2004
John Kerry discovers ventriloquism.
(Kerry's Tax Plan
courtesy Blogs for Bush
Bush's Corn Cob
Nigerian Fortune Cookie
Thursday, August 26, 2004
The Democrats are right. It is politically repugnant and ethically unacceptable to attack the distinguished record of a decorated war hero
. (Link goes to Nation
article attacking Bob Dole's war record.)
(Glaring Hypocrisy courtesy Blame Bush
Smart Women Vote Republican
In addition to a long memory...
(Donkeys Can't Do That courtesy SondraK
Dictator of Pop
"Saddam has left the building."
My Little Martyr
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
It Came From Outer Space
The most frightening thing
you will ever see...
Run, Oppressed Muslim Woman, Run!
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
I'm generally a pretty tolerant person when it comes to religion, especially when it comes to that lovely Religion of Peace, Islam.
But there are limits to my tolerance. Call me an insensitive brute, but frankly, I think it's very weird to go sprinting in a head-scarf.
Also, note the picture's metaphorical significance, which I won't dare to mention on this strictly politically correct website.
[*cough cough* Muslim in last place *cough cough*]
(Running Hijabs courtesy Allah and Allah Pundit
Shake It, Hitler!
Der Fuhrer gets his groove on
Monday, August 23, 2004
One sign of rising oil prices...
(Sombrero-tip: Evil White Guy
Capitalism's Nifty Excessess (III)
: Putt while you poop! Comes with club and two plastic balls.
(Bathroom sports courtesy SondraK
Pedestrian Turn Signals
Stepford vs. Maniac
Sunday, August 22, 2004
I'm going with the domesticated robot:
(Mud-wrestling Match I'd Like to See courtesy SondraK
Aristocrat vs. Preppy
Hoes R' Us
This Halloween, dress your child up as a whore
Cellulite takes its tragic toll on Britney's buttocks:
(Trailer-trash courtesy SondraK
Britney's Butt Crack
Stolid as a Stump
John Kerry is born:
(Back-side births coutesy SondraK
P.S. A funny commenter over at SondraK
left this priceless gem:
"Rescue workers try in vain to extract Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry from Michael Moore's rectum. Their attempts proved to be in vain and the candidate's bid for the White house was pronounced dead on the scene."
Brighten Their Day
Saturday, August 21, 2004
A collection of sacreligious links that's sure to land you a special place in hell.
(Warning: Not responsible for deaths or injuries resulting from thunderbolt strikes, damnation, and/or large-scale flooding.)
Jesus Christ Action Figure [Cross not included]
Black Jesus Christ Action Figure ["The baddest action figure to ever save your malt liquor saturated soul."]
Jesus of the Week
Jesus Christ Superstore
Dress Up Jesus
Blogger-in-arms Jesse Factor
has some rather strong opinions
on Ted Rall, the criminally insane leftist who yesterday wrote a column
in which he compared Republicans to necrophiliacs, or people who have sex with corpses.
My thoughts on Ted Rall are quite simple: he is a sub-human ingrate who should be impaled on a white hot poker, lathered in shark chum, and fed to a pack of mutant boars.
Now there's an image that belongs on a post-card.
When Apes Attack
Friday, August 20, 2004
While the world's attention is focused on the growing ethnic genocide in Sudan, an even more serious crisis is being larely ignored. In the Sudanese capital of Kassala, far from the world's eyeshot, gangs of roving monkeys are on a deadly rampage
, attacking innocent women, children, and shopkeepers.
Monkeys attack women, children
HORDES of monkeys are running wild in the Sudanese state capital Kassala, attacking women and children and looting shops for food, Al-Anbaa newspaper reported today.
The groups are going on the rampage in two suburbs of the city, close to the frontier with Eritrea, the newspaper said.
The monkeys launch "organised attacks which last several hours", targeting "bakeries and grocery stores".
They attack women and children, run into homes, "breaking kitchen utensils and snatching food from the children" and open the doors of refrigerators to get at the food inside, according to one resident, Salah Osman al-Khedr.
He put the phenomenon down to the wholesale cutting down of trees which has deprived the monkeys of their sole source of food.
The attacks start at dawn and sometimes last until dusk, he said.
It is imperative that the world community act now to reign in these violent primates -- and I'm still talking about the monkeys.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
(Evolutionary gaps coutesy HowStrange.com
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
A group of environmentalist dimwits has come up with a novel way of protesting over-fishing: killing tons of fish.
In an effort to make a statement about wasteful fishing practices, the nutjobs of (Soylent)Greenpeace dumped a rotting pile of marine life consisting of over 11,000 decomposing fish at the base the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin, under banners that declared, "Don't waste life!"
Do us all a favor, you asshats, and stop wasting your own lives by harassing normal people with your disgusting "protests".
Eco-tourist boat crash spills fuel
Can you guess who the woman in the picture is? No, it's not a prostitute in the back of a police car or Rosie O'Donnell in a blond wig. In fact, that haggard woman is none other than pop-star Britney Spears.
It's hard to believe that pretty girl Britney could have transformed almost over night into a bloated, dishevelled whore who looks like she's wandered out of a trailer park. I guess her gross deterioration is God's way of punishing this slutty, hack for lacking any vocal talent, defaming marriage, wearing obscene clothes, and stealing a woman's husband.
Yup, she got what she deserved.
Britney's Butt Crack
America = EVIL!!!!!!
Liberals, time for another shot of Kool-Aid.
U.S. soldiers greet a child while patrolling the streets of Habaniyah, July 9. They replaced their tank with a donkey to garner a smile from the residents.
Dumb and Dumber
Monday, August 16, 2004
A beautiful gem mined from the archives...
GOP: God's Own Party
I may be a Republican, but by no means will I hesistate to ridicule my party for its fetishized obsession with religion, and for its vile pandering to the God-fearing moral authoritarians of the Socialist Right.
Thus, in the spirit of Republican-bashing, I hereby present a revised bumper sticker for the Bush/Cheney campaign, courtesy the acerbic photoshoppers of FARK.com
Bush/Cheney: Because There's Still So Much to Destory
Lurch/Little Boy Ticket
An extremely addictive and amusing little game
, which has nothing to do with Michael Jackson's pet monkey.
Sunday, August 15, 2004
I must confess, I used to be a heathen; a wicked, devil-worshipping atheist who placed all his faith in the silly notions of "science", "logic", and "rationality".
That is until I discovered the miracle of Christ via this holy GIF file. Since that fateful, life-chaging moment when a virtual Jesus batted an eye at me, I've become a fervent born-again Christian. But don't take my word for it; go all ye unbelievers, and witness for yourselves the miracle of the winking Christ
Saturday, August 14, 2004
A study by Spanish researchers shows that an ingredient in Cannabis could be useful in treating brain tumors
. The discovery adds to a long list of proven medical uses
Of course, the Bible-thumping moralists of the Religious Right would like us to believe that this largely harmless
smokable plant is a spawn of Satan that must be eradicated through a holy crusade.
The drug war, which was launched in the 1980s by Ronald Reagan (one of his few mistakes), has cost the nation billions, overwhelmed our prison and law enforcement systems, devastated inner-city communities, and all the while failed to reduce drug usage by any appreciable amount.
By all measures, the drug war has been a unmitigated failure. Yet for a politician to argue this point publicly, or to advocate on behalf of marijuana legalization, would be tantamount to political suicidal. Since our nation is fundamentally puritanical in character, any discussion of drug legalization is considered intolerable at best, heathenous and evil at worst.
Yet the case for legalizing marijuana, or at least relaxing punishments for smoking and selling it, is so transparently logical that even the Euro-weenies are catching on.
The arguments are numerous. To begin with, if marijuana were legalized, it could be regulated and taxed, thus resulting in coutnless billions of dollars in new tax revenues. Furthermore, legalization would also put the network of drug traffickers, dealers and nieghborhood gangs permanently out of business, thereby resulting in a dramatic fall in the drug-related violence that has plagued our country, ravaged the inner-cities, and clogged our prisons with harmless pot-heads.
Finally, legalization would end marijuana's status as a so-called "gateway drug"; after all, if users were able to get their supply of pot from a pharmacy rather than a back-alley dealer, then the oft-repeated claim that marijana usage takes place in shady environments and thus leads to more deadly drugs could no longer apply.
A subversive operative of the vast right-wing conspiracy managed to infiltrate a Kerry campaign rally in Oregon and unfurl this obscene poster in the full view of His Honor the Purple-Heart Winner. Grrr! The blood boils...
This ignorant fascist mongoloid claims that Kerry is going to "run away" from confronting the Islamic resistance movements. Not true. Speaking at the Democratic convention in Boston, a tranquilized Al Gore demonstrated the party's real
strategy for fighting terrorism, which borrows from a time-honored tactic of the French military:
Hurricane Bonnie: Neo-Con Plot?
Blogger-in-arms Blame Bush
has exposed the truth about a pair of hurricanes set to devastate the state of Florida. These suspicious weather systems are no freak of nature; in fact, they were conjured up by Karl Rove as part of sinister Republican plot to disenfranchise millions of voters in a key swing state.
Learn more about why Bush is to blame for E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G here
Pinky the Cat
A "very loving cat"
(Windows Media users click here
Rules for Bloggers
The ever-irreverent Jesse Factor has some handy advice
for novice bloggers. Funny, very funny.
Friday, August 13, 2004
Table tennis, Matrix style
Good News Watch
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Uday Hussein, Saddam Hussein's sadistic nutjob son, was once the head of Iraq's Olympic team. Whenever an athlete disappointed Uday Hussein, the murdering psychopath would personally brutalize the losers in a specially-equipped torture chamber in the committee headquarters.
Today, Uday Hussein is in hell getting intimate with Satan's hot iron-rod collection, and the Iraq soccer team, free from their former tormentor, has won a suprising, come-from-behind victory
over Portugal in the first-round of the Olympics.
As you receive this good news, make sure to drink several cups of Kool-aid. Also, remind yourself continuously that the United States is a bullying imperial monster and that the invasion of the sovereign utopia of Iraq was a criminal atrocity which has left the Iraqi people much worse off than they were under docile Uncle Saddam. If necessary, flagellate yourself repeatedly while screaming, "Bush, EVILl! Saddam, good
P.S. To all the liberal pansies reading this, if the liberation of Iraq was indeed an illegal travesty and a blatant violation of international law, as so many of you insist, then wouldn't it only be proper to re-instate Saddam Hussein as President of Iraq, since he was unjustly deprived of this position by interim president Iyad Allawi in what amounted to a US-led military coup?
It seems only fair that we make an effort to reverse the terrible crimes that have been winflicted on poor ol' Mr. Hussein by our illegal liberation. Wouldn't you guys agree?
Paper, plastic, or recycled cow crap
Corn on the Cob
"Are you talkin' to me, or the corn?"
"Dick, what is this thing?"
"Is that an ice cream truck?"
(Bush holding his cob courtesy of Say Anything
Another long-lost twin
of Teresa Heinz?
I'm getting all verklempt
, talk amongst yourselves...
Teresa Heinz and Harry Caray: separated at birth?
(Long-lost conjoined twins via Allah
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Rapist serving life term wins lottery
Couch Potato, Literally
Call me a cold-hearted jerk, but I have an awfully hard time sympathizing with 600-pound ladies whose bodies have physically merged with a couch, and who are so large they have to be trucked to the hospital in a trailer.
600-Pound Woman Dies After Being Surgically Removed From Couch
A dramatic rescue ended tragically in Stuart, Florida, a rescue so difficult firefighters say they have never seen anything like it.
It happened late Tuesday night and early Wednesday morning at the home of a 600-pound woman who was having trouble breathing. Rescuers went in not knowing how difficult it would be to get her out. 40-year-old Gail Grinds was literally stuck to her couch and had to be removed surgically at the hospital.
Authorities estimate she had been on the couch anywhere from two to five years.
Martin County Fire amd Rescue crews faced what seemed to be an impossible mission. Everyone going inside had to wear protective gear. The stench was so powerful they had to blast in fresh air.
They tried to cut out the front door, but at four-and-a-half feet wide, it wouldn't work. They had to cut plywood since a normal stretcher wouldn't do.
An ambulance was too small, so they brought in a trailer to get her out. While rescue crews came up with a back-door rescue plan, detectives secured what had become a crime scene, questioning family members about how it got so bad.
Using planks, they loaded the woman on to the trailer, still attached to the couch. Removing her would be too painful, since her body is grafted to the fabric. After years of staying put, her skin has literally become one with the sofa and it must be surgically removed.
Detectives are investigating whether they have a case of neglect, or if it is simply a very sad story.
Grinds was taken to the Martin Memorial hospital where doctors removed her from the couch, but she died in spite of all the attempts to save her life.
Pull My Finger
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
"Come on, Marine, just give it a tug."
PGA in the DPPK
Dear Leader Kim Jong-il is not only an enlightened Communist visionary, he is also an excellent golf player
, shooting an amazing 38 under par on his first go.
But wait, isn't golf a sport of the capitalist pig-swine?
Car Crash Bonsai
Terrible car accidents involving toy automobiles and bonsai trees
The Romantic Passion of the Christ
Jesus Christ is seeking a soul mate
. Are you and the Messiah meant for each other?
Mommy! The Lesbians Are Bullying Me!
A self-described "homo-nausic" state representative in Palm Beach, Florida, is complaining about an influx of pernicious lesbians
, who he claims are taking over bars and dominating pool tables. Naturally, incisive news anchor Jon Stewart
is on the case... (Click on the "Congressman Harry Bonilla" interview.)
Monday, August 09, 2004
(Donkey alternatives courtesy of: Conservative Dialysis
What the Media Won't Tell You...
The real reason
Bush went to war in Iraq...
Sunday, August 08, 2004
Kerry's Gunning Mates
I still can't understand why Vietnam veterans could possibly be angry at Kerry. It makes no sense. Kerry is a war hero: he served bravely in Vietnam, he earned three purple hearts for his valiant conduct, he stood up for his fellow veterans in Congress
, and he steadfastly defended his comrades from the demonizing rhetoric of Jane Fonda
and her anti-war movement
For Christ's sakes, he even won three purple hearts! This modern sage should be adored and worshipped by all veterans -- not reviled and slandered!
As for those backstabbing rapist baby killers who have desperately tried to smear Kerry's war record with their pathetic, libelous book, they should be smothered in napalm and thrown into a tub of flaming Agent Orange, as far as I'm concerned!
(The men highlighted below are boat mates of Kerry who currently back his candidacy. Clearly, the support is overwhelming!)